


Never did I think that I/Would be caught in the way you got me

by germanpsychiatrist



Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, During Canon, F/F, Female Solidarity, First Kiss, Masturbation, Pansexual Character, Season/Series 02 Spoilers, Sexuality Crisis, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:27:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23266183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/germanpsychiatrist/pseuds/germanpsychiatrist
Summary: After Ola kisses her, Lily starts to question her sexuality and feelings.What Lily could've been thinking before deciding to date Ola.
Relationships: ola nyman/lily iglehart
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	Never did I think that I/Would be caught in the way you got me

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the beta,[the-great-wahl](https://the-great-wahl.tumblr.com//)!  
> It's my first fanfic with a wlw couple, so forgive my inexperience.  
> It's not a very rewelatory or anything, most of this fic is just the canon content, but I think this ship needs any content it can get.  
> Also I promise I will finally post the 3d part of my MiB International fic soon!

Lily closed the door behind Ola and sagged against a wall. Not the door, so as not to let Ola hear that, however improbable that would’ve been.  
  
She was so confused.  
  
She’d spent a lot of time to get a penis inside her. She was a creator of a comic about an alien girl trying to lose her virginity to a male. Then a girl, an interested in her girl… happened. And she was like, one of the coolest people Lily’d ever known.  
  
She hurried to her bedroom. Behind closed doors, she threw herself onto her bed and covered her eyes.  
  
Boys. Had she actually fancied one, ever? They were all, like, okay. She noticed the more than average handsome ones, she enjoyed looking at them and was attracted to them, but she’d never really bonded with any. But then, she didn’t have many friends, no matter the sex. She also did masturbate to pictures of men.  
  
Girls? She’d never, until now, thought of any girl as an, even potential, romantic or sexual interest. Never considered that option. Maybe because, in comics, the ones she read, the romance was between a male and a female. She was able to notice that a girl or woman was pretty, but gay men probably could do that, too.  
  
Ola Nyman…  
  
Lily’s eyes shot open as she remembered something. Not that long ago, when Otis had been behaving in a shitty way towards Ola, Lily tried to comfort her. She took a fallen eyelash from Ola’s cheek, gave her a comic strip and they hugged. Ola’s face got so close to hers, and for a moment… No, it was not a thought that they may kiss, not something so distinct. Just… a fluttering in Lily’s stomach. A nice feeling. And a bit of awkwardness after they let go of each other.  
  
Was she attracted to Ola, not realizing that herself?  
  
Weird. Weird. Weird. And not in a cool, alien porn kind of way.  
  
Lily needed time. She didn’t feel ready to go to school and see Ola. She had to, though. She needed to think of a plan, decide how to behave, taking into consideration how Ola would act tomorrow. Lily almost never planned such details. Just the big goals, like losing her virginity. Not how to behave with her friend. Best friend, till today.  
  
She groaned. Maybe she really would do the homework, as a distraction, however temporary helpful that would be.  
  
***  
  
When she saw Ola on the stairs, her mind completely froze. Fortunately, her body didn’t, and she hoped that her facial expression didn’t betray much. However, Ola’s hopeful but uncertain gaze was almost unbearable. That’s probably why their exchange lasted a few seconds.  
  
Now Lily was walking through a corridor, analyzing her response to Ola’s seemingly casual “how are you doing”. “I have to be somewhere else”, God, it was a pathetic excuse. It also hurt Ola, Lily had no doubt it did. She felt horrible with herself. She should have, and still should, talk to Ola. But she didn’t know what to say. “Let’s be just friends”? Lily still needed time to think things over. Maybe that’s what she should’ve said to Ola. It would’ve been delving a bit too deep into the subject, though. Lily sighed. Why all this was happening to her? She really hasn’t planned on a sexuality crisis, just sexual initiation.  
  
The bell rang. She really had to “be somewhere else” now.  
  
***  
  
Lily didn’t really want to go to that party. But she couldn’t concentrate on her comics, or schoolwork, and she didn’t want to stay alone with her thoughts. Also, she rarely got invited to anything.  
  
She certainly wasn’t expecting that much of a crowd. And Ola, whom she ran into near a toilet at Otis’ place.  
  
She subconsciously decided to keep walking, as if she hadn’t seen Ola.  
  
“Why do you keep avoiding me?” she heard Ola say.  
  
“I’m not." This response was as automatic as walking away.  
  
Lily’s heart stopped for a second when she felt a hand on her arm, turned and saw Ola touching her. She hastily let go of the black girl.  
  
“Listen, I’m sorry about the kiss thing.” Ola said to her, and she sucked on her breath. Actually mentioning what happened…  
  
“I didn’t mean to upset you. “ Ola continued. “Can we just go back to the way we were before?  
  
Part of Lily really wished to say yes. She missed Ola, even though they hadn’t been talking only for like a day. However,she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go back to being just friends. It would’ve been too confusing, since she wasn’t sure if she didn’t want to be with Ola, romantically.  
  
Finally, Lily said:  
  
“I don’t think we can be friends anymore. It’s too confusing.”  
  
She left with aching heart, trying to make Ola, who still went after her into the crowd, to lose track of her.  
  
***  
  
Lily woke up, a few minutes before her alarm, and… wet. Oh no.  
  
The fact that she wasn’t a boy was a blessing now. The reason why she was aroused, though…shit.  
  
She dreamt about Ola. At the beginning, it was very innocent. They were going up a small hill, one of those all around their town. Holding hands. And then they were lying on the grass and kissing. Lily could remember how it felt even after waking up. Probably because of their kiss in real life. It felt good. Apparently good enough to make her want to wank right now.  
  
Lily thought of her options: shower, bed… However, she heard the sound of water pouring coming from the bathroom. She sighed and decided to go for the smallest dilator.  
Moments later she was panting and trying not to think. But trying not to think at all is as hard as trying not to think of a polar bear. Something always comes up. Lily just had to try not to think about the elephant in the room.  
  
So, boys. Penises. Abs. Tentacles. She kept moving, she felt that she was close. Well-built masculine bodies. White, black, in alien costumes… that damned near-intercourse with that boy met at the ball.  
  
That wasn’t pleasant to think about. Or arousing. The tension was unbearable. She needed to think about being with someone else than that guy. She hadn’t really done that kinda stuff, though, except… Ola, her passionate but soft lips, tongue sliding into Lily’s mouth, hot breath… She was so warm and soft in Lily’s arms, smelled nice. Made her think of safety and affection.  
  
Lily came, suppressing a yelp. She, however, didn’t stop herself from saying:  
  
“Fuck.”  
  
Now she was totally lost.  
  
***  
  
Fate decided that the day when Lily thought about Ola while masturbating was the day she had to spend with her and a few other girls in detention for a thing she did not do.  
  
She and Ola sat separately. Ola was actually more focused on Maeve than her. That was something understandable, after what Lily learned about the whole Ola-Maeve-Otis situation at the party, at which she stayed even after the conversation with Ola (the latter gave up chasing her after some time). However, Lily couldn’t ignore a pang of jealousy that she felt after noticing the tension between the girls involved with Otis. She guessed it was jealousy: it was an unpleasant, sharp feeling that made her nauseous.  
  
She didn’t feel it, at least, when they began to fight, actually hurl insults at each other. She was just uncomfortable. She still didn’t really understand the situation: what has Ola felt for Otis? It seemed that she did feel something for him, since she was evidently angry with Maeve. But she also, well, kissed her, and something like: “That’s how it’s supposed to feel like.” Had Ola just discovered that she was a lesbian and dumped Otis, but the situation with Maeve still hurt her?  
  
After masturbation today Lily googled “do I like girls?”. She read about bisexuality, pansexuality. She’d heard those terms before, but never paid them much attention. She’d only read about homosexuality after Eric rejecting her. She was still unsure what to think of her sexual orientation, not to mention someone else’s – Ola’s.  
  
Ola and Maeve’s fight was interrupted by Aimee exclaiming:  
  
“Stop fighting over a stupid boy!”  
  
That certainly was… something. As it turned out when she started to talk about the situation on the bus, it was not trivial. It was disgusting and clearly traumatic for Aimee. As it turned out, every one of them had a similar story involving a man. Well, her story was just about some random men on an anonymous internet chat, but. Also, she meant it, when she called dicks “extra arms”. The more she thought about Ola, the less she understood about her own obsession with getting a penis inside her.  
  
She paid extra attention to Ola’s story. It was really scary, and Lily thanked God that nothing like that happened to her. Ola was so fierce while talking about that stuff, criticizing men and saying that she wanted to be independent from them. Lily loved Ola’s fire.  
  
They all had been, in a way, terrorized by men. That was what bound them, they could tell that to Miss Sands and complete their task. As it turned out none of them slutshamed their teacher and they could’ve gone home anyway, but Lily didn’t regret their conversation. It was good to talk with other girls who understood the struggles of their sex.  
  
And it didn’t end here. Ola led them to a landfill and they started to smash stuff. It probably helped Aimee the most: she said what made her angry, destroying a car. They all roared and laughed. Lily felt lightheaded, bonding with others like this: she didn’t have many friends, it was really great. Also, before they walked into the rubbish dump, she and Ola smiled at one another. It was a small thing, a fleeting moment, but it made Lily’s stomach flutter. Being with Ola really made her happy.  
  
When all the girls were on their way back to their homes, Lily dared to ask Ola: “Walk me home?”  
  
Ola hesitated for a moment before responding. She seemed to be wary and surprised, but finally responded:  
  
“Yeah”.  
  
***  
  
“I didn’t think you wanted to be my friend anymore” Ola said finally, just when the silence started to be uncomfortable. They were near Lily’s house. She felt her heartbeat rate go up when she heard the question.  
  
“This wasn’t in my plan. Boys that smell a bit sweaty were in my plan, not girls that smell like vanilla pods.” Lily responded, and immediately started thinking why the hell was she talking about smell right now. Probably because she was nervous and her thoughts were racing, and, well, the smell was a distinguishing feature between Ola and boys she knew.  
  
“I don’t smell like a vanilla pod” Ola protested.  
  
“Yes, you do”.  
  
It felt like bickering. It felt nice.  
  
“And car air freshener…sometimes. You’re very clean” Lily added.  
  
“Sorry I confused you, but it really hurt when you started avoiding me. “  
  
Lily knew that, knew that she behaved really shitty, but was too nervous to apologize to Ola now. Instead, she said:  
  
“Fine. We can still be friends.”  
  
She saw a mix of emotions on Ola’s face, happiness, but also disappointment. Ola said, reluctantly:  
  
“Fine. I’ll see you at school then”.  
  
And started walking away.  
  
Lily stood there, wanting to hurt herself or something. That was not what she wished to say. She was so nervous, still, so unsure. This was new territory. She wanted to try, though. If she didn’t, she would always wonder what could’ve been, what she had lost being “just friends” with Ola. She had to act quickly to mend the situation, because she was not sure she would speak up later if she let this go now.  
  
She run up to Ola, who was already by the wicket gate.  
  
“Wait. I think I don’t wanna be just friends” she said.  
  
Ola, confused, asked:  
  
“Why?”  
  
It was only natural that Ola would feel unsure, given Lily’s earlier behaviour. Now Lily feared that Ola would not believe that she was really interested. She decided to act.  
“Because you smell so much better than a boy” she said and kissed Ola.  
  
She really smelled of vanilla pods, even after spending an evening on a landfill, and the smell was all around Lily. It really was different from kissing a sweat and testosterone-smelling boy. It was pleasant, although fleeting. Ola pulled out of the kiss and stared at her, clearly even more confused than before, but she did not spoke. Lily decided that it was her turn to do that, but she didn’t know how to convey everything she thought and felt.  
  
“I just…” she stammered.  
  
Ola didn’t hesitate any longer. She kissed Lily in turn, and it was deep and passionate. Lily really could feel that her black friend wanted her. Kissing a girl turned out to be better than in Lily’s dreams, arousing, even. Lily felt an immense gratitude towards fate, the gods, whatever, that not only their friendship wasn’t ruined, but that they could be together. She’d never felt this happy kissing someone before. It was her final thought before she stopped thinking and just melted into the kiss.


End file.
